At the end of the Internet
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Imortal by Evanescence
Topic: Recent Events
At the end of the Internet

Have I googled everything, seen every video, played every song, and downloaded every data file?... no I haven't. I've realized though that my dear net friend,­ an addictive buddy who I've known for the better half of 8 years is the largest factor in the destruction of my life. This is not to say I don't enjoy getting online, to search, play, update and chat anymore,­ oh how I love to still do that. It just comes with a cost, and I paid it by losing every thing that matters in this mortal world. I've always known too much of any one thing is not healthy. I just thought that maybe the Internet is the exception. Ignorance has its own irony however, it gives and takes. What I've learned to late is I thought I was achieving something of value when really everything was an illusion.

Now I'm willingly giving up these hours I spend in front of my monitor. This is my resignation from the Internet. I will only get on the few times I need to for school,­ but other then that I will be no more. All my archives will be updated on a minim, I,m abandoning my forums, and AIM, YIM and Xfire are being deleted form my computer. If anyone wants to contact me it will have to be though e-mail at epona_lioness@yahoo.com

As for video games, I'm in the process of finishing the few that are on my hard drive, but once I do, they are gone as well, even my beloved halo.

So I suppose this will be my last entry here, guess it never mattered what I wrote cause only one or two people I know of read this anyway.

Farewell

Deciphering a resolution
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Jurassic Park 3
Topic: Recent thoughts
Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best intentions. I fail to recognize what is real and what I can trust.

When asked astronomer or a astronaut? I'm an astronomer, but I long to be an astronaut. Getting my feet off the ground however is proving to be even more challenging then finding a cold fire under the sea.

Never try, never fail. Going nowhere, doing nothing. Keeping the astronomer on the ground because the world broke her legs. Learning to walk again on burning coal when souls are torn to everlasting fire, and fiends of Hell rejoice upon the slain.

Broken into shards of memories long gone, the rock turns to sand and the sand to dust. What is left is a passing, the notch on a tree, scars on bone. Constant reminders of regret.

My mind feeding on the flesh of despair... always hungry... and trusting for the dripping blood of a resolution that is at the end of an infinite road. Teasing me with its drops of dried hopes. Holding onto the ends of a cut ropes of happy dreams.

When nothing is left and nothing can be done, just stand. Where I fall mark the grave.

"confusion that never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks"
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: Clocks
Topic: Checking in

Get More Music Videos @ MusicFeet.com

3 surveys
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Something Random
well people AGAIN are getting me to do serveys... bah I will get you guys for this!

ABCs

A- Age: 21

B- Best friend(s): Renee, Elf, Tammy, Colin, Erin, Amanda, Joey, Ito, Dot

C- Crush: on my fish...

D- Dad's name: Galen

E- Easiest person to talk to: no one at the moment

F- Fetishes: toasters

G- Gummy bears or gummy worms: bears

H- Hometown: Wayne PA, Eagan MN

I- Ice cream flavor: Mint chocolate chip

J- Jam or Jelly?: Jelly

K- Kids: want 1

L- Longest car ride ever: MN to FL (over 2 1/2 days)

M- Mood right now: Fucking Pissed off for no reason

N- Number of siblings: 1 half sister by blood, but she is my full sister at heart!

O- One wish: that I didn't have to worrie about hearing issues

P- Phobia[s]: elevators

Q- favorite quote(s): "NO TRESPASSING, violators will be shot, Survivors will be shot again"

R- Reason to smile: ...bla I have no reason

S- Song(s) you sang last: Clocks by coldplay

T- Time you wake up: when ever

U- Unknown fact(s) about me: mine to know, you to find out

V- Vegetable: potato

W- Worst habit(s): not keeping things clean.. like my room

X- X-rays you've had: Everywhere

Y- Yummy food: Shrimp, King Crab, Pizza, Hoagies, to name a few

Z- ZODIAC sign: Cancer


another survey for fun

What's your name? Cass

How old are you? 21

Date of birth? June 23rd 1983

Where do you live? at home in bloody Florida

Favorite type of music? alternative, celtic, anything really

Astrology sign? Cancer

Are you family oriented? yes

Favorite movies? To tired to list them

Smoke? no

Drink? no

Drugs? hell no!!

Hobbies? art stuff, internet stuffs, vid games, biking, swimming

Interests? anything that has to deal with hobbies

Ethnic Background? German, English... not sure what else

Are you a partier? not really

Political Party you support? undecided

What is your career goal? Game designer of some sort

Highest Level of Education completed? 1 year and 1 quarter collage

Do you ever want to have kids? would like one to poke fun at

Turn-ons? Toasters

Turn-offs? toaster killers

Speak any other languages? Some sign, some Swahili

Why would you be interested in dating me? trust me you wouldn't

Why should I choose you out of everyone else? I dont care what you think

What do you look for in a girl/guy? Dont know, dont care

Do you enjoy reading? depends on what it is...

If yes, what do you read? nvm... I guess I dont like to read

Where would you love to travel? Ireland, Africa, Japan

What 5 things can you not live without? Computer, Internet, food, air, water

Comments, Questions, Concerns?.... yeah why are surveys so boring yet I do them any way?

Running Barefoot Through The Trees
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: New Stuff
Just a few quick things that I need to mention XD

MySpace.com
Well I'm being life sucked into yet another website! This one matters though because it seems everyone that I know from Minnesota is a MySpace whore. Thanks to Dwabbit for the introduction!!! You may veiw my MySpace account here: Click I dare you!!!

Stephen Lynch Stuffs
Dude he be sooo damn awsome! Recently I've been listening to him again and this brings back many fond memories of the art room, yelling at the very top of our lungs along to the lyrics! ah good times. Some links to listen too if you have the time:

Best Friends ( so true )

Dr. Stephen

Setting the story strait
*cough cough* Okay for the record... yes my fish DID try to commit suicide, I am NOT bony, new laptop likes to bite, grease can come in many forms, Fish thinks its Shamu, there IS glitter in snow, 25 letters in the alphabet, all toasters are MINE (you wouldn't want them anyway after I am through), Tail bones hurt like a mother, pain killers are a very good thing!, Mini elephants are kewl, Caboose is my hero, and the person who developed flying lawnmowers should be voted president!

More shall be updated later.... as soon as I know what it is.

Who composed the tune?
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: CSI - ep9- unfriendly skies
Topic: Checking in
Another interesting week I'm afraid...and I've come to the bittersweet conclusion that I just need a new body. I don’t like the one I got, I need to make a return... or and even exchange for a better newer model that works right. I get slapped in the face today by the bloody comment by one of my fellow co-workers "you just need to take better care of yourself." Bah... the way I see it shit happens and ya just gotta deal with it, cant prevent crap thats gonna happen anyway... but the thing is way to much shit has happened and I’m so bloody tired of it! So I’m just screwed forever... *sigh* how bout store credit? can I sign a lease?.... I'm starting to feel like renting myself out is a reasonable alternative option to find some sence of self worth. because right now I dont think anything will matter. eh who knows...

in other news...Oooo check this thingy out! My lil count down to my trip to Minnesota!




Been talking to many of my high school buddies and its realy good to know that most of them are doing well, even more so then I expected. Wonder if I can rally up the ol art legends and set a date to met up sometime while I'm up there. That would be really neat if I can plan something like that. Might just get Elfy to do most of it... hehe. ah the laziness of the hobbit continues!

TLKFAA
New happy update! Well I have finally put the final touches on the rvb characters for my Lion king rvb parody. So I'm currently working on a series for rvb images I should have up by the end of the month. AND I drew a lil St. Patrick’s Day tribute image that I hope to get colored in soon! CLOVER WEEK! also my jacon payment when though and its offical that I'll be going. I'll be taking many notes so that I can start putting together the TLK fanart message board convention. I believe Elbereth (megan) will be helping me with this, or at least I hope. AND I'll be a camping bitch in front of the rvb table... the short person with the caboose shirt is me.

AI TAMPA
yeah not caring at all, just doing one crapy assignment after another. I want this quarter to be over... same as the next one. Only thing that I'm looking forward to is the game club meetings.

guess thats all for now, need to find something else to waste my time on...

Lifes Crazy Maze
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: Nothing To Lose
I watched the end of one of my favorite movies -Nothing to Lose- during dinner, and one of the songs by Des'ree that plays during the turning point of the movie reminded me of how true it is that were living in some sort of a crazy maze. Cause I know my life is nothing but a labyrinth, that be the best way I am able to discribe it metaphorically. I guess this song is just symbolically important to me. Think I'll post the lyric's cause I'm just a tad obsessed with reading them right now. XD

From Des'ree's -I Ain't Movin- CD "Crazy Maze"?

Money dont make my world go round
I'm reaching out for the higher ground
To a warm and peaceful place
I can rest my weary face

Life's answers we try to find
-oh we try to find, yes we try to find-
Battling inside our minds
Where do I go from here?
Will all my friends be there?

CHORUS
Cause we're living
We're living in a crazy maze?
And we're fighting
We're fighting to rise above the haze
Light's at the end of the tunnel
Sometimes the journey may be long
There are many theories
Who's right and who's wrong

Pressure's on, I have to chose
I have nothing to lose
I close my eyes I take a chance
-I I I-
Now I dance a different dance

What's the key to a happy life?
-tell me now, now, now, now-
A healthy mind and lots of spice
I'm running barefoot though the trees
-oh ohh-
That's my idea of free

CHORUS

I've packed my bags, I'm on my way
Dont know where I'm gonna stay
I'm on a train bound destiny
I can set my spirit free

CHORUS X2

Cause were living, were livin
Were dieing yes were diein
The journey may be long, who's to know
When you have got to roam, you have go to go

Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: The Italian Job
Topic: Recent Events

New Updates and Recent Events! just something worth mentioning, well I thought so anyway...

TLKFAA

woot! I made artist of the month!!! A totally surprise let me tell you, I wasn¿t expecting it in anyway. With all the current issues going on with school and such I was caught off guard and it really lifted my spirits up. THANK YOU you guys rock! I still need some TLK game cross over ideas¿ so if you think of any let meh know! I¿m currently working on a rvb TLK cross over pic¿ and I have some sketches I should upload to. Don¿t forget St. Patrick¿s Day is March 17th.


AI Tampa
Humph... well lets just say it could be going better. I had to drop my math class because basically my teacher told me not to show up anymore and if I did I'd be wasting my time. Witch is sad because I liked him as a teacher, I just didn't like the subject matter. And I'm struggling with all my other classes because the assignments are all very time consuming. Mix that with working 30 hours a week on the days I don¿t have school and I've got a huge problem! I'm also burnt out and I don¿t care for much of the assignments either. So lack of motivation sets in and playing Myst and Halo seem more productive and enjoyable. Its just turning out to be the quarter from hell! but some good news is the gaming club FINALY had its first meeting last Wednesday. Were gonna be called something more official then the "gaming club" because actually yes we will play games.. but were also going to look at the industry and bounce off possible game ideas and so on and so forth! Sounds like sooo much fun! Finally something gamer oriented then just classes... cause until that meeting I really felt like I wasn't really learning anything new¿ with the exception of the 3D modeling class. Then the only class I¿m looking forward to next quarter is the Web design class that I don¿t have to take for my program but I am because I want to know how to do a fancy coded website! XD Maybe by then I'll have Epona's website done!! I hope!!!

Neopets
Because of time issues and the soul fact Neopets is royally pissing me off ( the site not the members ) I'm not a daily visitor anymore. So I gave my guild over to my second council member. I'll still get on and chat with my members and such but I wont go and play games there unless I'm really really bored. and that wont happen because I found RvB!!!!!

Red vs Blue
Yep I made an account with rooster teeth and became a sponsor of Red vs Blue! my name there is Charfade of course. I had too... I just had too.. oh and I got me a Caboose shirt! I only take it off if I feel as if I will get it dirty. XD soon I'll get a Doc shirt... cause Doc is kewl... hmm guess it seems I like the characters that have split personalities with O'mally... odd...
anywho you must visit there site if you haven't already and watch the videos!!!
Red vs Blue

CABOOSE SHIRT!!!


Work, Hearing issues, personal stuffs
yeah I know I said I would advoid this stuff, but I need to vent!

Well work has just been overly stressful. Yesterday everyone on the morning shift decided to leave early. For good reason though, somehow they got scheduled to for and all night shift to a morning shift unloading the tuck... so they were dead tired. So for a full flippen hour there were only 2 people in the store.. my manager who works in framing and me up front manding the registers. Times that with the fact my hearing went out and well... lets just say customers were really pissy and I couldn't help them all at the same time. I'm only human!!! Then today hearing went out again... though I had more help today but it makes it hard trying to understand peoples problems... even when I can hear its difficult. I've never had this much trouble with losing my hearing at work, its been really good for 2 weeks, only going out once or twice...but these last few days I'm lucky if I can hear something for more then an hour. I want to go to Philly over break to see my sisters doc and have them do this test thing but I cant afford the ticket up there so I'm stuck... I would ask my dad for help but he already is helping me ALOT with helping me pay for school. So I wont bother him... however if it continues to go out and the pain persists and doesn¿t get better by the end of the week I may just have to ask him. Gah... I wish I were just healthy and didn't have this, I dont care much on my end about it... I just dont want to burden everyone else with it.

March 11th this Alexa's (my neice) golden/silver birthday! she turns 11!! and I miss her so much.. I wish I could be there for her party and spend time with my sister. Despite all the yelling Gory makes, and the high-pitched squeaks Sam makes I really miss being around them. I put away the rest of their toys today until their next visit, one being a puzzle we put together and it just sorta hit me hard that I wont see them again for a long while. I've tried to block out that fact that they are away but it just doesn¿t really work anymore. On top of that Brian still seems happy as a lil school girl and I find out he has a date on Sunday with some girl he met though yahoo personals. dont get me wrong I'm glad he is happy and all, I'm the one just so confused as to what the hell is going on, what I thought was true turns out isn't so everything is all labyrinth-ish... and once I bet Myst Revelations... welp I better find another distraction real quick! Cause I dont wanna deal or think about any of it... its just much better this way to go on ignoring everything and cop a "whatever" attitude. I find his works for me.

So yeah I guess thats all thats really new... I'm going to start working on more homework, only motovaiton I have for that is not having to retake the class... *sigh* this just bloody sucks

...


...


...

Oh and having clean cloths is goooooooooooooooood!

I believe
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: red vs blue- all the way!
Topic: Recent thoughts
Just something I've read and thought it applies to whatever it is I'm going though right now. The ones that have 2 ** stars by them I find really important! Not that the others dont... its just the one's with the stars really hit the heart in some sort of moral comfort way. Meh... yeah yeah.. Getting all serious like again, but yes read'em, perhaps it will enlighten you in well... what ever it is that you do.

**I believe...
that our background and circumstances may influence
who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe...
that no matter how good a friend is, they're going
to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe...
that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have

**I believe...
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.

**I believe...
that it's takes a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe...
that you should always leave loved ones with loving
words. It may be the last time you see them.

**I believe...
that you can keep going, long after you think you can't.

**I believe...
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter
how we feel.

I believe...
that either you control your attitude or it controls
you.

**I believe...
that heroes are the people who do what has to be
done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

**I believe...
that money is a lousy way of keeping score in life.

**I believe...
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing
and have the best time.

I believe...
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you
when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

**I believe...
that sometimes when I'm angry, I have the right to
be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

**I believe...
that maturity has more to do with what types of
experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

**I believe...
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the
world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean
they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe...
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

**I believe...
that two people can look at the exact same thing and
see something totally different.

I believe...
that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I believe...
that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe...
that credentials on the wall do not make you a
decent human being.

**I believe...
that the people you care about most in life are
taken from you too soon.


And with all that good stuff my quote of the day:

"The past haunts us, the present kills us, and future is filled with worry"

just had to
Mood:  hug me
Sooooooooo like, I wanted to, sue me


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